this is how i’m doing: in case you were wondering…

I have trust issues with God.  He knows it too.  Apparently the only thing that gets me to trust Him is the “what do I do NOW?” moments which are in no short supply these days.  It’s one thing to live paycheck to paycheck when you KNOW there will BE a paycheck; This, freelancing, is exciting to say the least.

And yet, somehow, I’m okay with it.

Somehow?  That would be the “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding”.  It doesn’t make any sense.  I had a job that was beyond secure, and I give it up, turn down another job AND cancel a job interview, and there is peace?  Not just peace, but joy?  There is security in my insecurity?  Yes.

And now, seemingly out of nowhere, I have an opportunity to be involved in ministry, but in a capacity that I feel the LEAST qualified for.  Not just an opportunity to be involved, but to be influential in its development — me?  I think I know how Moses felt.  You want me to do what?

By now I should see the theme God has sewn in my life.  No, I am not capable, and that is why He chose me.

So it’s official:  I’m Methodist, again.  The Calvinist in me wants to say it was pre-destined ;-).

Thanksgiving was a blast — a young couple from my parent’s church hosted our family and a few others for dinner.  My parents joined the church about a year ago and it is becoming more and more obvious why they were led there.  Their church is made up of mostly young military families and they happen to be one of the older couples in the church.  They provide a kind of wisdom that only comes from experience.  It’s good to be where you are suppose to be.

Running — I haven’t been doing much of it.  My knee has been giving me problems on and off for a few weeks so I figured I’d rest it for a while.  I’m thinking it’s probably from an imbalance somewhere.  So many different muscles directly and indirectly affect how the knee moves.  When one muscle gets weak, the others compensate which only further exacerbates the problem; the weak muscle gets weaker and the strong muscle gets stronger and the whole body suffers because of it.  Hey, that’s kind of like the Church… but we won’t get into that one today.  Anyway, I hope to get back at it soon.  I’ve only got 3 years to make it to Boston!  Oh, and then there’s this event that my brother and I will be doing in 2010.  You are more than welcome to join us JB…

I haven’t quoted Tozer in a while so here is one that I read recently in a book I’m reading: “Worship must be in spirit and in truth!  It must be the truth of God and the Spirit of God.  When a person, yielding to God and believing the truth of God, is filled with the Spirit of God, even his faintest whisper will be worship.”  I’ve had a lot of moments in faint, whispering worship lately. Sometimes it’s all that one can offer, and when it is, it is enough.

So,  I’ve been thinking about this again…

So, since when was McCain God’s candidate?

I love reading the facebook statuses that now read something like “trying to remember that God is still in control.”  If you, Believer, are now deflated by the nation’s choice for president, then you have bigger problems.

God never promised that our government would save us, or was even for us.  In fact, scripture tells us the opposite.  I really did struggle with my decision to not vote but found peace about my decision a few months ago in 1 Samuel 8.  Israel decides they would rather have a king to put their trust in instead of their God; and He allows it, but not without warning Israel what they were choosing.

I accept that by most people’s standards, I have “no right to complain” because I didn’t vote.  I have no need to complain.  I have no faith in government regardless of race, gender or political party.  This election is in no way a “loss” for Christianity or the Church, nor would it have been a “win” had it gone the other way.  My faith is in Christ and his bride, the Church.

This happens to me every time I read practical books (my favorite kind);  I get a few paragraphs or pages into a chapter and I have to put the book down to ponder a nugget of knowledge on a grander scale.  This just happened to me again with Adler’s “How to Read a Book”.

“If the author uses a word in one meaning, and the reader reads it in another, words have passed between them, but they have not come to terms.  Where there is unresolved ambiguity in communication, there is no communication, or at best communication must be incomplete.  Just look at the word “communication” for a moment.  Its root is related to the word “common.”  We speak of a community as a group of people who have something in common.”

After I read that, I immediately began to consider it in context of the Church.  The Church is a community of people who have one thing in common;  faith in Jesus Christ.  We come from every age, race, ethnicity, and socio-economic background, yet we (the Church) all have the same thing in common.  If we look at local churches as being a part of the greater Church, then they all should be equal.  If the local body professes faith in Christ and evidence of this faith is present (the fruits of the Spirit), then the Baptist church next to the Pentecostal church next to the Bible church are all equal.  So, then how do I choose a church to be a part of?

I’ve wrestled with this for the better part of this year.  Could I be so arrogant to think that I will choose the “best” local church?  Is there even such a thing?  If they are a part of the Church, as I am, does anything else matter when it comes to deciding on a church?  What if I could look past all of the differences and see the one true commonality — I think it could make all the difference.

I’ve been considering proximity as my main factor, which should be interesting.  The four churches within a mile of my apartment (why so many??) are, in order of proximity: First United Pentecostal Church, Vineyard Christian Fellowship, Glennwood Church of Christ and Rice Road Church of Christ.  Definitely out of my comfort zone.

One day, we’ll all focus on being the Church instead of going to church.