This is a story I had hoped to publish a month ago, but for various reason I didn’t–but I thought I’d share it with you today!  I wrote this story because I like writing about my life, my experiences, my emotions, and I think people like reading about them. Not because they are about me, but  because we all like reading about real people and real life.  I also think it helps you, my friends, get to know me a little better beyond the superficial.  I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing about it.

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I circled the block at least 3 times, hoping that each pass would give me the courage to do what I felt I had to do. Ironically, each pass did not instill in me any more courage but only opened the door for more doubt. It was now or never. Putting the car in park, I made my way to the front door. I rang the doorbell and my knees grew weak. This would be my chance to run, but would I get a second chance? Seconds felt like hours as I waited for the door to open.

Riveting, isn’t it? Before we move forward, here’s a little background on the situation.

The day before all of this, a good friend of mine was married to a good friend of hers (and a day before that, I was in Goodwill dressing up in drag with said friend’s soon to be husband, but that is another story for another time). At this wedding was a certain bridesmaid I had been exchanging e-mails with for the previous 3 months or so; we had some common interests that sparked some conversation. I was anxious to meet her face-to-face. The day before the wedding we finally met and, unfortunately, only had time for a few short (very short) conversations; nothing of any real significance.

The door opens.

“Is Lydia here?”
“I’ll go get her.”

This is the part where I would like to say “it sounded much better in my head.” In not so many words, I told her that I liked her. Then, hoping to lighten the mood, I asked her if she’d like to grab a cup of coffee sometime. Asking a girl who was only hours away from boarding a plane back to New Zealand to “grab a cup of coffee sometime” doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. In my mind, I was implying “hey, who knows, maybe we’ll see each other again in the future, hopefully soon.” In reality it seemed like I had no concept of time, distance or the cost associated with traversing said distance (hey, I was under a lot of stress). For the sake of my own pride, I’ll spare you all of the other little awkward details. The outcome was more realistic than what I had envisioned in my head. While flattered (and a little confused), she wisely requested that we remain friends; and we are still friends
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So that was two and a half years ago, and when I wrote this a month ago we were still just friends, but over the last month we’ve seen our friendship grow into something more; a beautiful relationship for which we can only thank God!  Sounds so serious, I know (and it is), and don’t get me wrong, I could talk for HOURS about Lydia and I can’t seem to stop smiling but what I still can’t get over is the fact that all of this just makes me love Christ so much more.

It is amazing what God will do when we are patient (but persistent) and allow Him to unfold His plan in front of us.  Life moves at an insane pace, much too fast for me to try to steer my life on my own–I must trust in God, in everything.  The Bible doesn’t really talk about the role of “boyfriend”, but this verse has been in my mind this year:

“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” I Cor 16:13-14

To all of you “boyfriends” out there, God is calling you to be men.  Your girlfriends want you to be men.  So, let’s be men.

Paul and Lydia, 2007

EDIT: Read Lydia’s addition to my story on her blog here: http://drlyds.blogspot.com/2010/02/no-pressure-paul.html

So, on my birthday I’m suppose to write something about life and growing older, and I tried to come up with something but I’ve got nothing. So instead, here is a hymn that I can’t get out of my head (and why would I want to??). I love the whole song, but I am especially loving this line at the moment: “We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph through us.” I grew up singing this song in church, but it was only recently that I began to really appreciate what I have been singing; There is a lot of truth packed into just 4 verses — read them slowly, sing them out loud; enjoy!

A Mighty Fortress Is Our God
Martin Luther.

1. A mighty fortress is our God,
A bulwark never failing;
Our helper He, amid the flood
Of mortal ills prevailing;
For still our ancient foe
doth seek to work us woe;
His craft and power are great,
and, armed with cruel hate,
On earth is not his equal.

2. Did we in our own strength confide,
Our striving would be losing
Were not the right Man on our side,
The Man of God’s own choosing:
Dost ask who that may be?
Christ Jesus, it is He;
Lord Sabbaoth, His name,
from age to age the same,
And He must win the battle.

3. And though this world, with devils filled,
Should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God hath willed
His truth to triumph through us:
The Prince of Darkness grim,
we tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure,
for lo, his doom is sure,
One little word shall fell him.

4. That word above all earthly powers,
No thanks to them, abideth;
The Spirit and the gifts are ours
Through Him Who with us sideth;
Let goods and kindred go,
this mortal life also;
The body they may kill:
God’s truth abideth still,
His kingdom is forever.

If I can be honest (and I believe I can be), my biggest struggle last year and currently is finding a church. I have moved past the point of frustration, through apathy and I’m now to the point of desperation. I’ve come to the conclusion that the problem has to be me. Maybe I’m being to picky. Maybe I’m making this all about me. Maybe I just need to stop being so selfish and just pick a church to serve in. If it were only that easy…

Here are a few things that people THINK that I want in a church:

1. An active singles ministry
2. Rockin’ worship music
3. An active singles ministry
4. Small/Home/Cell/Life/Community/Anything-But-Sunday-School Groups
5. An active singles ministry
6. New

1, 3, 5: Please, please, please don’t tell me about your singles ministry. I’m not sure where the idea came from that all single people want to do is eat dinner with other single people from the church. I know I’m socially awkward, but I don’t really need help making friends. Single people should BE IN ministry, we don’t need a “special” ministry for us.

2. Rockin’ Music: Growing up in the church, hymns are actually very familiar to me. If I’m humming a tune at work or around the house, there’s a pretty good chance that it’s a hymn. That said, I’m not really all that concerned with the style of music, rather the content. If worship is our response to who God is, it should be meaningful. I love the old hymns but I also love churches that write their own stuff.

4. Small Groups: This one actually has been a recent change for me. I’m not saying I don’t like small groups–I think they are essential. What I am saying is that small groups that meet throughout the week are not Sunday school. What I mean by Sunday school is teaching. Small groups are more about Christian community which includes teaching, but not to the extent that can be facilitated in a class-like setting.

6. New: New is scary, especially when it comes to the Church and scripture. Don’t try to invent something new, TEACH us tradition and history. I don’t need cool videos and candles or lights. Teach me and encourage me and EXPECT me to read the Bible.

Here are a few things that I would LOVE in a church:

1. Old people: Okay, so I don’t typically refer to them as “old people”, but in a lot of churches that have focused on attracting the younger crowd, they have neglected the older crowd. These churches have a lot of zeal and energy, but 30 year-olds haven’t been doing much of anything for 20 or 30 years. I think wisdom and experience are vital in a church.

2. Food: I love food. I love cooking food, I love eating food, I love watching TV shows about food. More importantly, I love cooking and eating food with other people. Sure, we can go out to eat at that Mexican restaurant (again), but there is something much more intimate about cooking and sharing a meal with someone. It’s kind of like family.

I’m certain I can find plenty of churches that are full of old people that have a pot-luck or covered dish meal at some point in the week, and if only it were that simple! I suppose my next post should be about the deeper things that have made finding a church so difficult. Things like beliefs. It’s complicated; more complicated than it should be.